Internet shorthand translated to proper English

lol (laugh out loud) - I did laugh merrily in an out loud fashion

lmao (laughing my ass off) - I laughed so intensely that my buttocks nearly disconnected from my flesh

w/e (whatever) - Right. Would you like some tea?

stfu (shut the fuck up) - If you were drinking tea right now, you would not be speaking

gtfo (get the fuck out) - I must request that you depart hastily

tits or gtfo (tits or get the fuck out) - Madam, I ask that you reveal your bosom to me, for if you do not, I must request that you depart hastily

milf (mother I’d like to fuck) - Even though that gentlewoman has bared offspring, I cannot deny that I still have the desire to fornicate with her

More - here