Madonna to adopt Susan Boyle

Madonna gives up on Malawian adoption, will adopt Susan Boyle:

Pop icon Madonna says she has given up on her dream of adopting a second Malawian child and will instead try to adopt frumpy singer Susan Boyle who stunned the world with her performance on Britain's Got Talent. "Susan didn't ask to be born in a Third World country like Scotland," said Madonna. "She deserves a real life in a real country."

"Some people think she's got a good voice," said Madonna. "I really hadn't noticed. Am I jealous? Of course not. Would it be a tragedy if she accidentally had her voice box removed, perhaps during the routine tonsillectomy I'm going to send her for? Definitely."

But, she said, she was not threatened by other singers with better voices.

"Can they do this?" she asked, performing a pelvic thrust that caused the front row of journalists to flinch.

"I thought not," she said.