The new Chuck Norris facts

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A brand new set of facts about the awesomest person ion the planet - the truth finally revealed.

  • Chuck Norris masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.

  • Chuck Norris has no friends on Myspace. Not Even Tom.

  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.

  • Chuck Norris was the original choice to play the lead role in the movie, "Boys Don't Cry". Hilary Swank replaced him because test audiences found him to be gayer than 9 guys blowing 8 guys.

  • Chuck Norris once fought Vin Diesel... and got absolutely fucked up.

  • Chuck Norris has to employ a legion of Mexican landscapers to suppress the wilderness that is his back.

  • Chuck Norris was once trapped in a paper bag for 3 days.

  • Chuck Norris was born Chuck Stevens but took his wife's name when they were married.

  • A Chinaman once told Chuck Norris that his penis was small during a karate tournament.

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6 comentarii:

Anonymous said...

the reson the plane crashed into the twin towers on 9/11 is because chuck norris round house kicked every one on the plane for not haveing any peanuts.

Anonymous said...

chuck norris cloned him self but round house kicked it because it did not look as devlishly handsom as he did

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris owns a Baskin Robbins franchise. He only has access to 23 flavors.

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris tried to round-house kick me in the face once, but he’s really old, so I moved out of the way and he fell to the ground and just kind of laid there.

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.

Anonymous said...

[In Soviet Russia] When Chuck Norris is sick, toilet throws up in HIS mouth.

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