12 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal
Thursday, February 4, 2010
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Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
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Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.
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Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
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Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
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Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
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Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
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Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
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Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
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Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
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Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
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Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer life-spans.
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Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.
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